I write recklessly…Let me rephrase that, my writing process is reckless. Nothing about a once-a-month blog is very reckless. However, my commitment to rarely proofreading, the amount of Cheez-it packs I consume while writing, and my cantankerous moods while batting away onlooking family members is a reckless writing style. I feel restless from the time I reluctantly begin writing until the second I click publish. I feel as if the stories and experiences from the past month are being extracted more like a game of “Operation” rather than a fireside memoir. I’ve come to find that intentional reflection is the easy part, putting words to those thoughts is the challenge. I’m not trying to break any new ground, just trying to stay grounded.
Here we go…
Thing 1: Push and Pull
“This is definitely the trail,” I stated to my wife as I stepped over a log and pushed past the overgrown brush. “That doesn’t seem like a trail,” Jenny responded with slight concern and slight amusement at my current state of thrashing through the pitch-black woods with little to no orientation. I repositioned my headlamp and assessed the situation. We were on a mission. We were somewhere in one of three states, Maryland, Virginia, or West Virginia but I didn’t know which. We had parked our car at Harpers Ferry a classic confluence town and trekked across a bridge in search of a vague trailhead on the side of a mountain. We were given this mission by my older brother Daniel. He told us the two steps of his plan. Step #1 hike up a restricted mountain to an overlook and spend the night. Step #2 Propose to his girlfriend Lauren. That was it. Everything else would either fall into place, or we would just get arrested. Those two options sounded like an adventure to Jenny and I so we had loaded the car up after work and set out to find these two lovestruck vagabonds. Yet, now, lost in the woods, I was questioning this very “detailed” plan. I picked up my phone and called my good friend Matthew who I knew was also wandering somewhere on the mountainside with his wife Nicole. They were also tethered to the same lovestruck lines Daniel had loured us in with. He informed me that I was in fact attempting to go the wrong way. Armed with this new orientation Jenny and I grabbed our backpacks and dashed up the trail. We may or may not have called for directions five or six more times before we summitted at 11:30 pm and spied the silhouettes of Daniel and Lauren. Success!
We all hammocked on the side of the mountain that night. I brought a single blanket for my hammock which is kind of like pre-packaging yourself for the freezer aisle at the grocery store. Regardless, the plan moved to the second and most important part, proposal time. We all made our way to the edge of the mountain and marveled at the early morning beauty. Daniel perfected the settings on his camera. I attempted to make small talk with Lauren while keeping the impending proposal a secret. Two of my greatest weaknesses. My train of thought derailed from the current weather to a topic I had been contemplating on the trail the night before. It had stemmed from a conversation between two people much smarter than I and now seemed appropriate. The thought of love and duty. You see, love pulls and duty pushes. Love is warmth and comfort, it entices those it touches to draw near. Love pulls you close. People often say love is an action. I believe that the action is provided by duty. Responsibility, commitment, and obligation all shape duty. Duty pushes from the back. I felt duty push me up the mountain that night. I felt love at the top.
I’m not quite sure how Lauren didn’t realize I was actively ruining Daniel’s engagement plans as I told her I felt love and duty towards them. Maybe that’s why Daniel quickly handed me his camera and walked with her to the very edge. Approximately 34 seconds later she agreed to spend the rest of her life with him.
Love pulls us together, Duty pushes us to stay in that love. Oh, and Matthew stands in front of the camera tasked with capturing that love.
Thing 2: Check Your Notes
I struggle to obtain the topics written about in this blog each month. I am acutely aware that I don’t have three perfectly boxed life-changing experiences or ideas each month. And so, I must go on a conquest each month to discover literally only three thoughts that I’ve had. This is actually a lot from someone who has to audibly spell out the alphabet when organizing anything. I’m a very visual person, mainly because I have eyeballs. So when I’m writing I often visit the pictures I’ve taken the past month to prompt memories and ideas. This month proved to be lacking in the photography department. Turns out, other than the 800 unsolicited engagement photos I took of Daniel and Lauren I didn’t take many photos in May. I was so desperate to find content I turned to my notes app on my iPhone. Friends, if you want some laughs you should actually go through your notes. There are to-do lists from 2017, door codes from places I don’t work at, recipes, quotes, and podcast notes. I debated writing about door codes and to-do lists but sided against it. I listened to my podcast notes and found a reference to Matthew 4:4 “But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’ ” (NKJV). This verse placed almost all of my spare brain cells out of commission for the rest of the afternoon while I reflected on it. We need more than monetary gain in this world. We need more morality. We need potential. The times in my life where I have felt most at peace have been when I am aiming at what is right and consciously striving toward it. I am still dissecting this thought. It has occurred to me that It’s much bigger than I, much deeper. Check your notes, you might find a deep thought, or at least remember that you need to pick up bread on your way home.
Thing 3: Trial by Weedeater
I promise you my third topic of writing will never be as good as the first. Why? Because I wouldn’t want to scroll through this longwinded blog and actually read everything. Therefore I frontload my favorite thought and keep the rest for later. “It’s basic hydraulics.” I really just wanted an excuse to show you a photograph of this beautiful orange flower. Every free weekend is spent working at the fixer-upper home Jenny and I purchase a few months ago. Only a little has been accomplished inside and even less outside. I was finally tired of bringing down the land value with our trash-inspired landscaping and so I went on a crusade against the vines and various greenery arrayed on the side of our house. The vegetation put up a fight and I had poison ivy on my arm for a week. Yet, in the end, the weedeater was victorious. I was slightly sad as I walked away. Even though the weeds were gone now everything would likely die. I came back the next weekend as was surprised to find a gorgeous set of flowers had bloomed where the weeds used to be. Beauty after necessary loss. I’m not sure if there are any applicable uses for a weedeater metaphor. I’ll keep you guessing.
Final Thoughts:
I think you’re a wonderful person.
Song suggestion: “What I’m Here For” ~ NEEDTOBREATHE
Until next time,
C.S
